Good afternoon friends ! I am so happy to report that finally after a month long wait I got the pleasure off talking with my therapist today . When I tell y’all I have the best therapist, I am so serious . Soon as I heard her voice I just felt that all was ok with the world 🌎 again atleast while I am talking to her . I really love my therapist cause she does care and listen . Especially when no one else cares . She is also taking my hand per say and helping me get this manuscript done . She was so happy to hear my voice like I was hers.

I have done a lot of writing while riding on the road . If I could just pay someone to always drive me out of state and let me be free all the time I would . Hell my manuscript would be done .

I don’t have much support from my family with my manuscript or anything else really . Our family just isn’t really a family . As bad as that sounds feels 10xs worse trust me. I have learned not to look to them for support anymore they don’t want to face the truth . I think they are very ashamed that I have mental illness . So they would like to act like it doesn’t exist kinda as if I don’t .

My therapist says I do have a family . The one I made . My daughter and son and my son’s kids my grandchildren. You can’t make people accept you or the truth behind your pain . I get it I really do now . Everyday it bothers me but I pray one day that Jah takes even that abandonment feeling from them away from me .

www.facebook.com/100034008874127/posts/325487795261514/

First off GOOD MORNING KINGS & QUEENS!

Needed to leave that there because I do feel people are NOT PUTTING ENOUGH LIGHT ON THIS SUBJECT! So Let’s Do That !

As a person that has survived Sex Abuse at several ages in my life I am seriously asking people to be more aware of what’s happening to our children these days ! Stop turning your head ! So many people ignored my cry for help ! I refuse to do the same !

I am asking more people STAY VIGILANT! Don’t ignore what you clearly see is taking place !

These babies just as I was are OUR FUTURE !

So I know I havent been posting as much as I used to I have been out of the cabin several weeks now trying to adapt to the outside world again . Having PTSD I can’t assure anyone I know all my triggers because I would definitely be lying. Everyday it’s a test within myself . Just recently while being on my road trip , I was in a truck stop and the doors just kept slamming in the shower area for truckers. I became so scared then just completed aggravated. I just couldn’t understand why these people are slamming doors like this . Come to find out after calming down that the doors were all messed up and that slamming is in fact the only way to assure the doors are closed. Just that quick I was triggered just wanted to get out of that place .

During these weeks of travel I have faced alot of flashbacks that haunt me and places that I have questioned all my life. It’s been so emotional at times . As I sit back and watch out window I feel like Wow why did I lose so much time with people when the whole time I should of been learning myself .

So I know just as everyone else does that phones are in prisons . Thank God they are because Our Men are being mistreated, killed and we would not have had knowledge of this taking place if they hadn’t reached out for help . Out of a prisoner’s mouth:

I have had a lot of thoughts going through my head trying to figure out what is in the world 🌎 is going on today outside my cabin door 🚪.

All This VIOLENCE ! It is definitely effecting everyone. Even our children. Don’t think for a minute they don’t feel what’s going on . Oh they feel it. I always feel the things my childhood Self was feeling back in the day when abuse was clearly an event happening way too often in my life.

Back then as a young girl I was able to be numb to the abuse physically, and emotionally.

As I have gotten older it seems to bother me so much . I think what bothers me the most is no one would help me . Always nosey enough to photograph the abuse but never cared enough to make it 🛑 stop.

Them social workers really didn’t care. Mom could tell them anything and they would accept it . Like really come on ! How many times could I really have hit my eye on a door 🚪 knob ? They knew that was a ‘Lie For Help👋’. That’s something a child has to do to try to get noticed so they can put light on the ABUSE! Mom used to say I don’t care , y’all say anything that can get me in trouble and they take you away, you will be separated and never see each other again”. Atleast that was her scare tactic for me . My sisters and brother was everything to me . Especially my baby sister . I so loved her and still do just over time life has pulled us apart. That’s unfortunately a flashback that stays with me and seeing her mean face. Like she really hated me .

I don’t understand now at age 46 how you can resent your own daughter so much . From the time I found out I was pregnant 🤰 as a teen my ❤️ love for my daughter started blooming immediately. Today she is my best friend , my confident my everything . Just as her brother is too ! To know that not only do I not know who my dad is but my mom didn’t want me really bothers me a lot . More now then I ever realized . I feel like I am and always have been and always will be unwanted in that family . It hurts because I feel I don’t have a family . My therapist say but I do have a family the one I have made myself . I guess they are right but I still hurt and long for that !