Wow ! I count down this day every year when it gets close . This year it was like a Milestone ! My baby girl turned 30 and we had all odds stacked against us ! Won’t Jah do it !

This celebration turned out so beautiful . For only a moment Atleast long enough to celebrate my daughter our family was able to set the pain and lies aside .

It’s no lie there is a lot of pain and scars in this family I call mine . A lot of them choose to act as if things never happened and a lot of of LIKE MYSELF is still fighting those demons !

This was the best day of my life 30 yrs ago . The first time I found out what real love felt like when my beautiful daughter looked in my eyes. The bond was there then a d is even 100xs stronger now !

Trying to fill in the blanks is never Easy for me!

As I am trying to live everyday as normal people do,  I guess as people would call it. I mean in my mind who is to say who is normal these days? Sometimes as I watch other people I often wonder is that what normal is ? And if so I am not impressed . 

I Don’t think I am here for you to Understand .Maybe you should just hold my hand. There are no directions on how to be in my life. Just make me feel safe and accept that sometimes people just have to learn It’s OK to Agree to Disagree ! In life maybe less is more atleast when it comes to me for sure . I like the Peaceful, Chilltimes ,Not to crazy around crowds or shopping center lines.Don’t need a fancy restaurant to make me happy  . You and me ,chill time,and let me be me .I am very different and that’s what I love within myself. I can remember when there was a time there was  nothing I loved about myself . So I call that some big BABY STEPS in this, TRYING to  itergrate back into settings with other people more than 4 at a time  because that is the safe number for me .

I don’t really have family and friends they have all went their own ways . That’s part of life which eventually everyone sees. I have accepted that I REALLY ONLY HAVE ME !

I am angry , hurt and very mad at you ! Who gives you the right to do what you do ? As a child I was scared but I knew not to let it show,because that would cause more pain for me but pleasure for you.

As a grown man you had no right to put your filthy hands on me ! Of course back then mom said it was okay . That I will never understand. You knew it was wrong and didn’t care .

Now that I am a grown woman , I do have a lot of pain. Why would a grown man violate a little girl that way?

I have a daughter and she is everything to me . I now in this present day will always protect her from people like you. I wonder , do you have kids? A daughter perhaps? Does she know what a monster you are ? If you do .

I will continue to pray for people like you . I pray that one day someone will see that you Violate children. You violated Me too ! I MADE IT!

Yes I am a mess at times because the memories won’t leave but I will continue to try to release these haunting memories of you .

Yes Yes I am so Angry and this is ok ! I will hide that anger and pain because this is how I have always been trained. I just want you and every man that Violated Me as a little girl to know YOU DIDN’T BREAK ME !

I might be chipped or even cracked but I now wear my life scars proudly.

I am not the one that should feel shame ! No I have learned I had NO VOICE as a little girl but I do have one now and I need you to hear me and hear me loudly . I survived ! You didn’t break me ! I am angry !

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