A Peek into Cabingurl’s Manuscript !

I have had a lot of thoughts going through my head trying to figure out what is in the world 🌎 is going on today outside my cabin door 🚪.

All This VIOLENCE ! It is definitely effecting everyone. Even our children. Don’t think for a minute they don’t feel what’s going on . Oh they feel it. I always feel the things my childhood Self was feeling back in the day when abuse was clearly an event happening way too often in my life.

Back then as a young girl I was able to be numb to the abuse physically, and emotionally.

As I have gotten older it seems to bother me so much . I think what bothers me the most is no one would help me . Always nosey enough to photograph the abuse but never cared enough to make it 🛑 stop.

Them social workers really didn’t care. Mom could tell them anything and they would accept it . Like really come on ! How many times could I really have hit my eye on a door 🚪 knob ? They knew that was a ‘Lie For Help👋’. That’s something a child has to do to try to get noticed so they can put light on the ABUSE! Mom used to say I don’t care , y’all say anything that can get me in trouble and they take you away, you will be separated and never see each other again”. Atleast that was her scare tactic for me . My sisters and brother was everything to me . Especially my baby sister . I so loved her and still do just over time life has pulled us apart. That’s unfortunately a flashback that stays with me and seeing her mean face. Like she really hated me .

I don’t understand now at age 46 how you can resent your own daughter so much . From the time I found out I was pregnant 🤰 as a teen my ❤️ love for my daughter started blooming immediately. Today she is my best friend , my confident my everything . Just as her brother is too ! To know that not only do I not know who my dad is but my mom didn’t want me really bothers me a lot . More now then I ever realized . I feel like I am and always have been and always will be unwanted in that family . It hurts because I feel I don’t have a family . My therapist say but I do have a family the one I have made myself . I guess they are right but I still hurt and long for that !