So I have been seeing a lot of shows on tv, movies and even post on Facebook where everyone that doesn’t have BI-POLAR seems to think they can explain what it feels like . NEWSFLASH if you haven’t actually lived it , experienced it I DONT THINK YOU SHOULD SPEAK ON IT !
The first thing I would like to speak on is not everyone with bi-polar wants to take their own life . I have been bi-polar since I was 8 I am now 46 and still would never try to take my own life . And I am not being controlled by all those ridiculous meds that they people to control their every move . I have been tested on many of them but I don’t want to feel controlled or trapped in my body . And when some people are controlled by those meds they can never stop or that will trigger them to snap .
Depression most definitely. I am depressed a lot no one ever notices because I really don’t have anyone that cares . My family is very self indulgent. Meaning their so wrapped up in their own turmoil they wouldn’t notice anyway . Some days I just wanna cry because I can’t even explain one of the racing thoughts in my head cause God knows there is a million in there at a time . Over the years I have learned to try to concentrate on which ever one I can understand the most . I miss my sister so much usually when my depression sets in she is all I can think about . She was my happiness , my direction, my protection everything . The thoughts of why didn’t my mom just give me up also come up a lot cause all the abuse she put on me doesn’t make any sense to me . I tried to talk to her about it several times she wants to act like she can’t remember anything . Hell if I had done what she did to my kid I would want to forget it too. Empty nesters is really effecting me now that my kids are grown and on their own I just wish I could have them small again . Where they need me and love me but that’s not possible. I am very proud of them though !
Then the manic rollercoaster . Ain’t that fun . Sometimes I don’t know when I can stop . Honestly my manic rollercoasters makes me want to move furniture a thousand times . It also makes me want sex a lot more . Which sucks cause I am single have been since released from safe house . Was there cause now ex husband thought I was a punching bag kinda like my mom did . I clean a lot and during my manic stages my OCD is very hypersensitive. I may rearrange and clean my cabin a thousand times but that isn’t hurting anyone .
I say that to point out that not all of us with BI-POLAR are out to hurt ourselves or anyone else . We may not beable to work a regular job or tolerate ignorant ass people but we would not intentionally set out to hurt people . I have seen more SANE people hurt others and try to fake being bi-polar then I am sure anyone has seen people like me that actually have no-polar hurt others .
Anxiety is yea it’s ridiculous. I wake up feeling like there is a ball of fire in my chest and someone is fixing to snatch the world out from under my feet everyday now for as long as I can remember . Even with all the anxiety I don’t sit and plot how I am gonna so bad or hurt someone .
I say all this because people don’t understand that profiling and making fun of people like me and with mental illness everyday cracking jokes , even in these tv shows and movies and social media post is VERY OFFENSIVE ! I feel it’s just as bad as using racist terms . We are bi-polar not deaf (so we can’t hear your comments ) , not stupid ( some of the best artist are bi-polar ) so please don’t treat us that way .
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Perfectly Imperfect 