Woke up with so much Anxiety this morning . I just want to cry . God knows I am really trying to ignore that urge and defeat this feeling . It’s just so much easier said then done . I think I am so tired of being let down by people and as much as I try to ignore it and act normal I can’t . Hey I ain’t normal strive everyday to make sure I ain’t . I pray God helps me shake this feeling . I am seriously so sad today . I don’t know if it’s because my kids are on my mind so much and I see them fading away so fast so clearly . I don’t know if it’s because I know I am forever gonna be alone . I am broken I accept that and the fact that we all know no one wants something or someone broken and usually the ones that do just want to make sure I am broken enough if not they wanna finish the job feel me .
I just don’t get it why people family , friends and foes feel a need to constantly make promises that they know good and damn well they never had intentions to carry out . People always speak for the moment and I hate that . I call it that cause soon as you aren’t face to face anymore that moment is gone and they really had no intentions to so shit they said . Smdh . If I just sat daily and wrote down all the false promises people always make I would have a unlimited edition of lies and false promises people make daily it’s sad .
When my babies was little I didn’t allow people to tell my kids they were gonna do shit cause I already had my hands full fulfilling myself promises to them I knew I couldn’t fill other people’s lies .
I don’t think people realize when you are dealing with someone that has PTSD you don’t wanna keep lying to us or hurting us even offensive shit said to me plays over a thousand times in my head . People always say just get over it . I wish everyone would learn there is no just get over it for me . I don’t choose to have to deal with pain over over over again and I am sure that others suffering from this don’t either . A way to fix this is people need to stop lying seems simple to me . These days I don’t think people know how to keep it 💯 real . Cause then their feelings might get hurt or when they look in the mirror they won’t like the liar they see looking back at them IJS.
Perfectly Imperfect 